Many of you who are reading this are aware of the situation which occurred August of 2015 with my family. No matter how many people walked away from me, or I walked away from, I didn't give up on my marriage. I fought for the sake of knowing depression can cause some abnormal behavior which could cause the situation at hand, then. Now here I am nearing 2 years post the trauma which was presented with the best daughter a parent could ask for, the most supportive father and his significant other, and many of those who did stand beside me even though they did not agree with my choices. I'm very thankful for them to have seen me through and seen the transition that's been happening over these past months.
As things stand, my husband can now not set foot in the house my Dad made a home for us. D is not allowed to have any contact with Claire until she's 18. D has been in Ohio now since February, when the sentencing was given. I went with D to Ohio because when going, we were uncertain if jail time would have to occur. After a week of lost wages, not seeing my daughter, and not being able to care for my furbabies, I had to leave to resume my everyday life.
At first, things were very challenging for me at home without him here. Since he only worked part-time, he made the home life simple. Dinner was made when I'd get home from work, the pets were let in and out at all times of the day, and Claire was helped with her homework as she needed. Then as his stay continued to be extended, I learned how to manage household duties and be a full-time employee. I'm still struggling with fitting in my homework because of exhaustion following everything, but slowly I'm trying to find a routine that works best for my schedule.
As D was away from the house for months and months, Claire and I became more adjusted to what life is or would have been without D being here. It sucked, yes, but at the same time, we prepared ourselves for the possible outcome of him not coming home. After so many hours of reading the probable outcomes from situations like these, it made me realize the months that he's been kept there, the reason behind the length of time is likely due to how much information they were trying to obtain prior to allowing any type of communication with him or his probation officer in Ohio.
My dad called me to let me know he was contacted by a PO here in PA and they required he be at the house to meet with them so that he was aware of the situation and what it would entail if he was ever to set foot in this home again. So, on the day the PO was here, I happened to be off and we sat and talked about everything. My dad was unaware of the excessive charges which were placed on D. This was mainly because until late January, I was unaware of them as well. I knew the counts, I knew that minors were involved, but I did not know much passed that. When Claire, D's mom, and myself went to a court hearing, the prosecutor read off all of the counts placed against him and it dropped my heart and Claire's. When we came home from that, I informed Dad that there were things that I wished I hadn't heard. I didn't go much further than that though. So, when this PO came over the details were reread to my Dad. It was like reliving everything all over again. I knew it was going to happen and I had prepared myself for it, but honestly, it didn't do any good for me. Overall though, my Dad was shocked at what was shared with us. The PO was very polite, concise, and had empathy toward us. She said, the first question I have to ask is "Does a minor live here?" And our response was of course, she's 14. She then stated, "That first question's answer was enough to deny him from entering this state."
From that point, I informed D of this and told him he could never set foot in this house. He stated that he would be applying to go into Maryland then, so he could be with his family there. I'm glad he's got his family there, and the support he needs, but I'm uncertain of how far he'll be able to go with that. All but 1 sister, and his mom, have children under the age of 18. I'm not sure how strict Maryland is on such situations, but if they're anything like PA, I'm not optimistic on him getting into Maryland, either.
About 1 week prior to all of the madness coming ashore with D not being able to come back to PA, my heart and head began thinking of all of the crap that has been dealt. I prepared myself of him not being able to come back and informed him that "I cannot fully love someone that I cannot trust." We'd been together for 17 years. Just sweeping that under the rug is impossible, but the realization of my lack of trust is what really made my head and heart understand one another. Ever since the reading of the charges in January, I couldn't get that out of my head. I'd hear them over and over, and that wasn't something I could shake. It was not my intention to break his heart, or make him feel like I've ruined him, it was for me to be the individual I need to be, for our daughter. So, with that being said, we started taking a break which had been mentioned to lead to a divorce.
Once the PO came here, it made everything concrete. I began to realize that there's no going back now. I'm not pulling Claire from a school that she's doing well in to move to a place where he may be able to live with his child and I. That place being, the only place that did the verdict and sentencing, Ohio. She was very unhappy there, and she's build a life here that does not have to remind her of the most prominent memory she has--watching her father get arrested and taken away from us. That is an occurrence which will stick in her head for the rest of her life, I'm certain.
So, now here I am with a zoo of pets, a daughter who has had very bad depression (suicidal at times), loss of Claire's God-mom and my nephew and niece and (like) Sister because of where this situation lead us, and never getting an actual break because I'm now "single".
So if there are any of my friends who walked away (rightfully so), who are reading this, feel free to contact me again. I'm not sorry for giving everything a second chance, but if I had known everything at first, I would have walked away too.
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