You know as the holidays continue, my feelings grow further and further away from those in which I once thought were my world. Between friends and family and those who've been in my life for years, it just feels that my heart has gotten further away from them.
Easter is one of those holidays that is truly all about children (regarding gifts). This just so happens to be one of those were I wonder why I felt so fond of those who don't appear to give a shit anymore. For the last 4 years D and I and Claire have all gone over to our neighbors to celebrate the holidays, and this is the first one where not a shred of contact has been placed between us. Sure, some things have definitely intervened with what used to be our relationship, but then again, if the bond that was built was truly a bond, then why would that relationship fade into the dust because of a mishap that has not been discussed since the concern was brought up? Okay, screw it, I'll just say it... A couple of months ago, I received a couple of texts from who appeared to be the son of my neighbor who's been friends with me since we moved here. Texts that were denied by the parent (who I have been friends with) and when I brought it to their attention it was a complete denial game. I still have yet to speak with the person that the texts had allegedly come from because the parent wanted to dig deeper. So, I kept my mouth shut and didn't bring it to his attention at all. The texts were quite bothersome because it's almost like a repeat of what happened with my other neighbor from the other side of me. This was something that I kind of let go and didn't think a lot about until today when out of the ordinary I didn't get any kind of invitation nor correspondence regarding the holiday. Now I feel that perhaps the parent dug and wound up finding out that the texts were in fact from her son and didn't want me to bring it up to him directly. However, ever since the texts were brought up originally (the same day I began getting them) everything magically became different. Our communication became "I'm going to the neighbor's." instead of "I'm going to Val's." and it's also become less obvious that we talk at all. So, now since her son hasn't been given time to do in jail, I guess she realizes that it would be an awkward visit if I were to be a part of any holidays/celebrations. But, again... this is something that still hasn't been brought up to me regarding the original situation.
Then of course there's the whole family thing... Yeah, it's almost as if family is a joke. My Dad calls me on Friday to say "Are you coming into town this weekend? I made Pulled Pork." Which he knows is one of my favorite things because he cooks it so great! And I snapped... I responded with "No, Dad, I'm not. Seems you make that at the most opportune times when you know I'm NOT coming into town. Shocker!" I don't think he much cared for that, but truthfully, I don't care. It would be like me asking him out here for something he greatly loves and knowing he has financial issues which make him unable to come.
D's mother is of course one of the biggest lack of involvement grandparent there is. She sent a card and just signed "Love, Nan". When Claire read it she replied with "Who's that?" I responded with "Exactly." Then she calls today to do her "mandatory call" for the holiday and rambles about non-sense and was able to get off of the phone with D and D asked "Do you want to talk to Claire?" She was going to get off of the phone w/out even saying Hello or Happy Easter to her own Granddaughter. Man, I tell you what, to be the only grandparents that Claire has, they sure are on the path of negligence.
My brother and I spoke today, which is always welcomed! We also spoke on Thursday and Saturday about Easter plans. He went to Norfolk Va to have some fun for the holiday! He's going to Busch Gardens and possibly Kings Dominion on his way back home tomorrow. It's something he really needed considering our family is a bunch of douche bags! lol
Seems as though holidays don't have nearly as much of a concern when you grow up. I'm so thankful that Claire is still as pure and innocent as she is. It makes the holidays an actual thing worth celebrating. Although I don't think there are going to be very many holidays we can do this with before she completely grows out of it.
Well, I'm off to finish up dinner. Hope everyone has a great remainder of their Easter!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Weeeeeek from all different angles
This past week has been incredibly hard on me. Between stress, anxiety, worries, troubles, and other aspects of life, I have cried 2-3 times just within the past two days. Yesterday was one of everything goes wrong at once type things. I felt so overwhelmed and irritated about having my long day yesterday. I had a great lunch with the hubby, but right afterward felt like a downward spiral. I was having one of those days where I truly had to think about continuing on my path in becoming a Medical Assistant. I felt challenged, almost as if I had been concurred by all of those who surrounded me. On Tuesday my day was so bad that I HAD to go to the gym. I went and did a fat burning class for thirty minutes and then did 40 sit ups and afterward did 2 miles on the treadmill while studying for my exam (which I took today and am still waiting on my grade from). Yesterday I woke up in such great pain from working out so excessively on Tuesday that steps were painful. But, of course I helped our instructor carry things from one part of campus to her office, which didn't do much to help matters, since it was just another several flights of steps. Yesterday I did 16 flights of 15 steps, then 10 flights of 12 steps, 3 times, then 4 flights of 12 steps, 4 times, and that was JUST at school. So last night my legs hurt so damn bad that I had to apply a heating pad onto them for a bit. It was extreme, and today I chose to only take the steps down. There were 2 times I took a flight of 15 steps up, but that was to get back into school. So, 30 steps going up wasn't nearly as invasive as yesterdays amount.
Today I had another one of them days where I was unsure what I thought about things, if I cared it definitely wasn't showing. I feel so drained, so tired, just SO ready to be in the field instead of continuing to go to school to continue my training. I'm so tired of taking all of these extremely technical courses that take it all out of me. Then I went to lab and KNEW that it was my turn to actually do phlebotomy, which had my stomach in KNOTS! I've been practicing my technique to all heck, but haven't truly ever drew blood from someone, or even given a shot. But, this was for real, no more practicing on a fake arm, and well, that's what scared me. I always fear hurting someone, and today was the day that it would be revealed if I hurt someone or if I was successful. Luckily I was successful, but after I drew the blood, I think all of the pressure of OMG, I just drew blood for the first time, wore off and I actually started to cry. I of course assessed my "patient" and made sure she was alright prior to crying myself, but I think I was so overwhelmed from so many things going on, that, that one thing was enough to allow me to release. It sounds weird, I know, but I think I built up all this tension starting on Tuesday and it all was let out today by crying.
My instructor actually gave me a hug and told me I did wonderfully and was so proud of me! That was quite the accomplishment. I had told her prior to doing so that I had been having a bad week and my head's in too many places at once. She wanted to make sure that I was okay to be drawn on because of my health conditions and medications and such. She was REALLY concerned for my own well being, and that meant a lot to me. I, on the other hand, don't want to be that student that says "Oh, I can't be your patient because I have health conditions." When in reality, it doesn't prevent me from being able to give blood, and it shouldn't be used to my advantage just so I don't have to give blood or get stuck by another student. I feel it's fair game, and everyone should be offering their arm as long as there is no extreme case involved, which mine clearly is not.
Tonight is going to be based around relaxation and I get my title to my car when D gets home and tomorrow will be a day for me to go to the DMV so that I can get my license, tags, and registration done. Hopefully it won't take too long. I'll attempt to get there early in the morning to get everything done faster.
This weekend is supposed to be raining and so that will make it become a studying full weekend which will change my original plans of actually going to the zoo for the MS walk. But, either way, it'll be productive, and that's what I am really in need of right now.
Hope everyone has a great weekend ahead, and I pray I can get out of this funk that I've been stuck in for the past week now.
Today I had another one of them days where I was unsure what I thought about things, if I cared it definitely wasn't showing. I feel so drained, so tired, just SO ready to be in the field instead of continuing to go to school to continue my training. I'm so tired of taking all of these extremely technical courses that take it all out of me. Then I went to lab and KNEW that it was my turn to actually do phlebotomy, which had my stomach in KNOTS! I've been practicing my technique to all heck, but haven't truly ever drew blood from someone, or even given a shot. But, this was for real, no more practicing on a fake arm, and well, that's what scared me. I always fear hurting someone, and today was the day that it would be revealed if I hurt someone or if I was successful. Luckily I was successful, but after I drew the blood, I think all of the pressure of OMG, I just drew blood for the first time, wore off and I actually started to cry. I of course assessed my "patient" and made sure she was alright prior to crying myself, but I think I was so overwhelmed from so many things going on, that, that one thing was enough to allow me to release. It sounds weird, I know, but I think I built up all this tension starting on Tuesday and it all was let out today by crying.
My instructor actually gave me a hug and told me I did wonderfully and was so proud of me! That was quite the accomplishment. I had told her prior to doing so that I had been having a bad week and my head's in too many places at once. She wanted to make sure that I was okay to be drawn on because of my health conditions and medications and such. She was REALLY concerned for my own well being, and that meant a lot to me. I, on the other hand, don't want to be that student that says "Oh, I can't be your patient because I have health conditions." When in reality, it doesn't prevent me from being able to give blood, and it shouldn't be used to my advantage just so I don't have to give blood or get stuck by another student. I feel it's fair game, and everyone should be offering their arm as long as there is no extreme case involved, which mine clearly is not.
Tonight is going to be based around relaxation and I get my title to my car when D gets home and tomorrow will be a day for me to go to the DMV so that I can get my license, tags, and registration done. Hopefully it won't take too long. I'll attempt to get there early in the morning to get everything done faster.
This weekend is supposed to be raining and so that will make it become a studying full weekend which will change my original plans of actually going to the zoo for the MS walk. But, either way, it'll be productive, and that's what I am really in need of right now.
Hope everyone has a great weekend ahead, and I pray I can get out of this funk that I've been stuck in for the past week now.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Soccer information along w/ other things....
So, yesterday was Claire's first practice of the Spring season that she attended... As many of those who've read what I posted on My facebook, here's what went down...
We show up and the coach and co-coach is so intertwined with the smaller kids that our age group didn't have the proper stretching prior to practice. They were coached by another kid to do stretches... As we all know, that never works out right and so, the kids weren't technically ready for the real practice that they were "prepping" for. First of all, our kids don't even start at the start time that we're informed that they'd meet. Again, the coach is so involved with the "pee-wee" group that they go over in their practice time, therefore leaving us to stay later than originally intended. Claire was then told to stand and play defense, but don't move. Well, how are ANY children going to learn WHEN they're told they have to stay there, don't go anywhere? So, then the ball came down toward her and Cris (her "coach") says, "get the ball Claire, get it get it!" So she goes to go for it and blam, right onto the ground she went. Her being the tough cookie that she is, she got back up and continued to stand defensively. So, after all of that, the coach says "Claire, be goalie." Claire dislikes being goalie because she gets bored. She likes to run and attempt to score herself. For her, she feels very alone when all the way at the other end of where the actual activity is happening. So, then FINALLY she was able to get some action near her, she goes to get the ball from heading into the goal, and she stops it, good job by her... But, then after the stop, she's not praised by her coach or anything about how well she did by blocking it, nothing... Then she was thrown into midfield and was running and wound up getting tripped, fell and I could truly see the aggravation in her facial expressions. She continued with stride, however, she was limping a little and began to get crabby. The coach said "Shake it off, you'll be fine..." No concern for her as she was limping yet running across the field. Then when the opposite team went to get a goal, the girl who was playing goalie and blocked the shot wound up getting praised and thrown many great jobs her way... Claire again, was pissed.
After the game, Claire and I went grocery shopping and we began to talk. She has changed her mind from playing soccer on that team. She's unhappy with how the practice went and she did not like how she felt so left out. Then also unhappy about how uninvited she felt when she arrived on the field. Additionally she was pissed that the coach just told her to shrug off her "accidental" tripping and did not give her a moment to sit out and recharge from the fall. She also stated that she doesn't much care for the coach and also doesn't want to be ignored when she makes good plays for the team.
We spoke more and she has asked that if for summer she can get into swimming classes and then once fall comes (given her ankle and knee aren't going to be jeopardized) she could join another soccer program at the YMCA nearby. I'm all about that for her. I think with her being hypermoble that the aqua therapy at a young age will help strengthen her joints and relieve some of the pain she experiences while running out in the field. Plus, it's excellent for building bones and muscles! I think that's an excellent fit for her and I think she'd become very very good at it over time.
So, that's what is going on, and of course not having the space to write it all out on facebook statuses, it makes me have to write it here. :)
Off to study and get some things done around the house! Hopefully everyone has a great weekend ahead!
We show up and the coach and co-coach is so intertwined with the smaller kids that our age group didn't have the proper stretching prior to practice. They were coached by another kid to do stretches... As we all know, that never works out right and so, the kids weren't technically ready for the real practice that they were "prepping" for. First of all, our kids don't even start at the start time that we're informed that they'd meet. Again, the coach is so involved with the "pee-wee" group that they go over in their practice time, therefore leaving us to stay later than originally intended. Claire was then told to stand and play defense, but don't move. Well, how are ANY children going to learn WHEN they're told they have to stay there, don't go anywhere? So, then the ball came down toward her and Cris (her "coach") says, "get the ball Claire, get it get it!" So she goes to go for it and blam, right onto the ground she went. Her being the tough cookie that she is, she got back up and continued to stand defensively. So, after all of that, the coach says "Claire, be goalie." Claire dislikes being goalie because she gets bored. She likes to run and attempt to score herself. For her, she feels very alone when all the way at the other end of where the actual activity is happening. So, then FINALLY she was able to get some action near her, she goes to get the ball from heading into the goal, and she stops it, good job by her... But, then after the stop, she's not praised by her coach or anything about how well she did by blocking it, nothing... Then she was thrown into midfield and was running and wound up getting tripped, fell and I could truly see the aggravation in her facial expressions. She continued with stride, however, she was limping a little and began to get crabby. The coach said "Shake it off, you'll be fine..." No concern for her as she was limping yet running across the field. Then when the opposite team went to get a goal, the girl who was playing goalie and blocked the shot wound up getting praised and thrown many great jobs her way... Claire again, was pissed.
After the game, Claire and I went grocery shopping and we began to talk. She has changed her mind from playing soccer on that team. She's unhappy with how the practice went and she did not like how she felt so left out. Then also unhappy about how uninvited she felt when she arrived on the field. Additionally she was pissed that the coach just told her to shrug off her "accidental" tripping and did not give her a moment to sit out and recharge from the fall. She also stated that she doesn't much care for the coach and also doesn't want to be ignored when she makes good plays for the team.
We spoke more and she has asked that if for summer she can get into swimming classes and then once fall comes (given her ankle and knee aren't going to be jeopardized) she could join another soccer program at the YMCA nearby. I'm all about that for her. I think with her being hypermoble that the aqua therapy at a young age will help strengthen her joints and relieve some of the pain she experiences while running out in the field. Plus, it's excellent for building bones and muscles! I think that's an excellent fit for her and I think she'd become very very good at it over time.
So, that's what is going on, and of course not having the space to write it all out on facebook statuses, it makes me have to write it here. :)
Off to study and get some things done around the house! Hopefully everyone has a great weekend ahead!
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