Everything gets rough...

I'm going to break this post down by home life and work life, so it's easier to follow.

Home Life

• As many of you already know, we lost Fatty (Claire's cat of 9 years) on September 30th to cancer which had spread throughout her entire body. When she stopped eating and drinking we knew something had gone wrong. The mass that she had on her right side between her ribs and abdomen had practically grown overnight. Fatty was never a must be picked up type of cat. She more-so rubbed on us and laid down to get pet. Oddly over the time that we had her, we never felt that lump. It was the week that she wasn't eating that made her slim down to a point where the mass was expressed. The mass was approximately the size of my palm. But, when thinking about it, all of the weight she lost between the time we got her to the time we lost her. She was 26 pounds when we got her. She was supposed to be just a temporary live in situation while a friend at the time was pregnant, that turned into having her for 9 years. We turned her life around and made her such a happy, loving, Momma to everyone in this house. Fatty was such a purr-box. She was so happy and loving to all of us, but she loved Claire in a way that we could never imagine. Claire was so loved by her, and Fatty protected Claire from day one. Claire was only 2 when we got Fatty. From the very start, Fatty clinged onto Claire. Fatty protected her by laying at the edge of Claire's bed and making sure that she was safe. This type of behavior continued throughout Fatty's entire being. Claire played with her and taught her tricks and even played dress up with Fatty at one point. It's a love that we will have forever have in our hearts. We love her so much and it still hurts us to know that she has left us. We still cry thinking of her loss. 

Her loss was tragic to Claire. But Claire made the mature decision of letting her pass away without anymore suffering. That was a huge decision for Claire, and I couldn't be more proud of her choice. Her response was "I don't want her to suffer anymore." Claire saw all that was happening and assisted me with force feeding and forcing electrolytes down her throat. Claire also saw how distressed Fatty was when it came down to being able to walk. Fatty was so weak that her body was starting to fumble over herself, and at one point she just wanted to lay in her crate with the door open and her back toward us as if Fatty was punished. Claire continued to say "Fatty, honey, you're not punished. Please turn around and look at me." Claire was so hurt by the rapid change in her body language. But, as her parents, D, Steve (her God-Father and Uncle), and I couldn't be prouder of her.The loss was terrible, but the love will continue to live on.

• We got a scare of a heartworm medication recall a few weeks ago. I took both Sam and MeiMei to Banfield for a test to be done. I was so worried that we may have been effected by this recall. Thankfully we weren't. However MeiMei had a hefty skin infection and ear infection also. MeiMei looks like a new dog now. She has 85-90% of her hair back just in the period of 2 weeks of antibiotics and other treatment. From that moment we placed MeiMei on the same health care insurance we have for Sam. Tomorrow, MeiMei is going to be getting her first dental. I'm nervous, to be honest, but I trust the team at my Banfield location I take the girls to. There is one Veterinarian who I love and adore, and she was the one I began to see when Harley got sick. Ever since I have seen no other veterinarian for our girls. She's truly one of the most wonderful individual I've met within the field. 
• Claire is going to be 11 in 1 month and 1 day from today. It's crazy how quickly time has flown. We've had some ups and downs, for sure, but I'm so proud of the child she has become. 

1. Claire is doing great in school. She enjoys going to school and is sad if we have to take her off from school. When she was sick 2 weeks ago, I had to keep her off from school, and she practically begged to go to school. Claiming that she was fine and that she'd be alright in school. As she attempted to convince me that she could make it through the day at school, she was coughing rather deeply and continuous. It's incredible just how much of a difference she has had this year than previous years. 
2. Claire's grades have improved greatly! She is really working toward getting into Gifted and Talented. When we met with her teachers for open house, her math teacher stated they would be testing her for G&T because she really has such imagination and capability to succeed. The teachers are very pleased with her great efforts and are always pushing her to be herself and routing her on in her tough moments. 
3. Claire is going to be a Vampiress for Halloween. We are going to send all of the candy we collect from Trick or Treating to Military Forces. We don't need the candy, and it's not healthy for any of us, so we being able to donate it to those who are fighting for our country, gives us happiness. 
4. I booked a party for Claire's 11th at Magic Mountain last night. She is so excited and for that I'm grateful. We were originally going to do a bowling party, but I can't imagine 8-10 kids actually staying focused on one activity. Magic Mountain gives the kids an opportunity to go and do multiple things. 

• D is doing pretty well with school. He's working hard to get to the end of this tunnel. It feels like it's been ongoing for much longer than it has for him. But, I have faith in his success and I know that he'll be able to get to the point of great fulfillment once he completes everything.
• D is looking into becoming Assistant Manager for the Business office. It's been something he's avoided for a long period of time, but he's come to the point that he feels that it's only right for him to take the next step. Plus, this gives us some opportunity when new stores open in different areas. His staff sees great potential, and he's finally becoming more accepting to new roles.

Work

• I've had good days, I've had bad days. I guess in every role anyone takes on, it's hard to adapt. I have great respect for every member of my staff, and I'm truly thankful for having a job within my field and being given the opportunity to grow. 
• I have had several meltdowns during my time of working there. I have had near tears moments, and breakdown moments. I've been approached on certain things, but talked behind on in other situations. 
• I'm still learning, but I think my biggest issue is that there is no repetition that'll make me master what I do. I guess all of the other "jobs" I've had I've mastered it after my 90 day probationary period. I think that's what the issue is for me, most. This is one of those things that once an individual gets into the field of their study, even school can't prepare them for all that is to be expected.  School doesn't inform you on who you're going to land a job with. Every office/hospital has different expectations, and it's never something you can prepare for. 
• I've gotten scolded in ways I never thought would occur, especially for the reasoning behind it. I've been told I'm too thorough when it comes to charting. Never in a million years did I think that was even possible. I guess with going through Medical Assisting and being told the more detail the better, I applied that to my new profession. So now I'm going to get books with more terminology that'll help me build my vocab make my paragraphs turn into easy to read charting. I think that's my biggest issue. I have difficulties with charting due to proper terminology and not knowing all of the words needed in place of what could be considered rambling. 
• When we were losing Fatty, I spoke with my favorite doctor in our hospital and she gave me pain medication for the weekend prior to us bringing her into the hospital. On Monday when I brought her in to be evaluated, they ran two x-rays, gave fluids under her skin, gave more pain medication, and after talking with Claire, we euthanized her, got an urn with her ashes to be returned to us, and only was charged 24$ for everything. I cried when I saw this. I couldn't believe just how much they took care of my family and I. When Fatty's remains were returned to us, the day after, my entire staff gave my family and I, a card showing all of their support with kind words. 

Well, I think that about sums up what's been going on here in the Eshenbaugh household.

Thanks for reading. :) 

Things I miss

Things I miss from my childhood

• I miss lite brights. Such a simple toy for me as a child, but I used it as a night light as well. So even though I didn't understand it then, it was a multi-purpose toy. 
• Sitting on my rooftop with my brother while he'd write and I'd gaze at the moon. 
• My first cat Fluffy. Yes, I still remember her name even though I was only between 5-8 years of age. 
• The gray magnet that I had on my refrigerator that was made out of a foam material but had Fluffy's name on it.
• Roasting sunflower seeds with old bay in our bedroom under a high watt light bulb.
• Living on the shore and jumping into the Chesapeake Bay to search for clams and hoping for a pearl.
• Going shopping with my Mom instead of going to school.
• Being able to jump 200 jumps for jump-rope in less than 2 minutes. 
• My Mom's cooking. There was so much that she made that I still have yet to master. 
• Cartoons like Tom and Jerry on Saturday mornings while eating cereal. 
• Going to a friends house to just talk as girls, without judgement from one another. 
• Seeing my family regularly.
• Running to the mailbox when it was around the time our Highlights Magazine would be delivered. 
• Fundraisers through school and the ability to knock on neighbors doors and get orders for the cheapest prizes ever. 
• Cracker Jacks! They were so good.
• Mr. Bubbles bubble bath when I enjoyed taking bathes. 
• Riding my bike without getting winded.
• Sunday Bible Study.
• Rollerskating in Putty Hill. 
• Dennys with my parents or grandparents and uncle. 
• K-mart. We have closed so many of those that it's hard to find a K-mart that isn't trash (that's the only one we have in Columbus). 
• Playing baseball with my Bro in the community field. 

Update--Nearly one week later

So after having dealt with so many moments that I truly have troubles remembering, I think I'm on the right track. I'm still having some dull pain periodically. I still have headaches, am still a bit sensitive to light, and still pretty tired. Yesterday I had a few moments where I felt dizzy, today there were very few moments where that happened. Leaning forward still makes me a bit light headed feeling, but it's definitely better than it was. Additionally I have begun to have full feeling in my face. Numbness has subsided entirely, thankfully.
Still I feel like my eyelids are heavy and my body is slow to catch up with anything said too quickly.  I feel I could be ready to go back to work aside from being so tired. I've been taking 800mg of Ibuprofen as needed for the headaches. I've been wearing sunglasses to help with the brightness. And for the last week I've drank nothing but water and my morning coffee. Apparently staying hydrated is key, so I've minimized my caffeine intake, even though I've not really had any desire to have soda. I've stayed away from margaritas and all other alcohol. I'm sleeping a lot more than usual. Heck last night I fell asleep at 8:45pm and didn't wake up until 7:30am. I must be wiped for sleeping such a long period of time, all at once.
So here's hoping, come Thursday, I'll have the ability to be back at work. I miss my hospital and all of the wonderful people in it.

First time for everything... I suppose

Man, oh mighty... I've never experienced a concussion before. I've been about those who have, but living it first hand is quite extreme. On Wednesday before close, at work, I was picking up some trash that had missed the trashcan. When I was coming back up from the ground, I smacked my head on the corner angled portion of our counter top, desktop area. I've hit my head in the past, but not so hard that I yelled out, OUCH! I know I'm pretty thick skulled and in my life, that has helped me plenty. But, not this time... This time I hit it to a point that after I yelled out, I felt clammy and had to sit down. As soon as I hit the counter top, I felt an instant throbbing pain.
It being the end of the day, and the additional help aside from one vet tech, I just informed the vet tech that I had hit my head and that it hurt really bad. We joked about it not thinking it would have the end result of this. When I was driving home, I felt dizzy and couldn't listen to anything because everything seemed to echo. I called D and had to hold the phone far away from my ear and could still hear everything he was saying. But with feeling woozy I didn't stay on the phone the entire time because I knew I needed to focus more on driving, than talking.
Once I got home, I ate, and went and laid down and shut my eyes because things were blurred. I took some ibuprofen and went to bed. While attempting to sleep, I tossed and turned. Every time I'd attempt to fall asleep, my head began to throb. And wouldn't ya know it; the side I sleep on is the same side I hit. That sure as heck didn't help matters.
Thursday I woke up and felt migraine like, the same side of my head that I had hit had my face numb on that side, and very cloudy minded. I took Claire to school, came home, got myself ready for work, and headed on in. Once I got there our Office Supervisor asked if she could show me something. I went into her office and she began to talk, but while she was, everything was so loud, and much of what she said was muffled. She asked me if I was okay and I told her what happened the night before. She felt my head and didn't feel any bumps. She said I should let one of our doctors/owners know what happened so I can get checked out. I told her that that was the last thing I really wanted to do. I didn't think it was anything too serious and that it would pass on its own. I went to clean a room to get another appointment in and the office supervisor asked me to come into the doctors office and let him know what happened so that it can be taken care of appropriately. I went into his office, told him what happened and he immediately said I needed to be seen by the Urgent Care or the Emergency room. I went to the back and the tech from the night before asked how I was and I told her that I had felt worse then than I did when it initially happened and told her about half of my face being numb. She jumped to action, not knowing that I had already spoken with the doctor and pulled the doctor to the side saying that I needed to go to the doctors asap. The vet tech asked if she could take me to the hospital and I insisted that I was well enough to get to the ER. The doctor and some techs said "Val, you don't look good, please let us take you! You should not be driving." So I had the same vet tech who knew I had hit my head the night before take me into the hospital. I had to get a CT scan, so I could not go to an urgent care because they don't have the equip to run a CT scan.
I don't recall much of anything that happened during the ride, or how we got into the ER, or much of the conversation had during being in the ER with the Vet tech, or my husband. Everything feels quite blurry still. I recall very little from what the doctors/nurses said. Everything that happened isn't clear enough to just refer to it. Even what I'm writing currently I have to think hard about it to have any recollection of it happening. Initially from the ER dept, they told me I could not work until Monday. But, we're closed on Monday, so I wouldn't have returned until Tuesday.
Yesterday I had a follow-up doctors appointment with Work Health, who push everything along in the Workmans comp claim. I got lost 6 times because I did not have a clue to where the hospital was. I had no idea where I was going when I got to the hospital (after an hour of being lost, seriously), but thankfully there were some nurses/doctors out front and I asked if they could direct me to the area I needed to be in. The doctor said that I'm off until Thursday unless he sees anything that would need me off for additional time, but it would be a minimum of returning to work on Thursday. I asked him why my face was numb and apparently there are three nerves within the head that control facial feeling. He said with the numbness, it is common, and with the location of where I hit, there is a good chance that I hit 2 of the 3 nerves and that the numbness will slowly fade and I'll begin to feel that side again more and more each day.
Doctor suggested little to no caffeine, no alcohol, lots of water, sunglasses, no driving, and no extreme light, or loud noises. And he took me out from work until Thursday.
Now, meanwhile between all of that, my work has called me to ask me how I am, I've been texting the vet tech who took me and she's done everything to make sure I'm okay. I couldn't ask for a better place to be employed, management and staff wise. I feel so very lucky. I always have a fear to be hurt on the job because I hear horror stories about how people get fired in due time because of a workmans comp claim. That's not something I want, and I pray the feelings are mutual.
I'm looking forward to going back to work this upcoming week, but definitely understand why the workmans comp doctor suggests me to be out until Thursday. I'm still groggy, with a headache that comes and goes, am light/sound sensitive, and feel weaker than typical.
Well, I'm going to head to bed. I just wanted to share this with everyone who didn't know the entirety of what's been going on with my status messages on the social media.

The 16 years you've been gone...

In the years you have been gone, I've grown in so many ways.

(I apologize in advance if what I write is TMI)

This list is in no particular order

1. Dated, experienced, and left many people who aren't regrets, but aren't anything I'd wear with pride. 
2. Met the man I'm married to when I was 18.
3. Had a child of my own after being told my chromosomes were too out of whack to have children.
4. Experienced what it was to be too drunk to use my house keys to open my door.
5. Stopped smoking
6. Began smoking
7. Stopped smoking again
8. Experienced living with a roommate 
9. Experienced having my house broken into and losing nearly everything
10. Finished High School
11. Went to College
12. Hit deep depression to the point where I felt ending my life was the only way to ease the pain I felt without any real explanation.
13. Met friends who loved me enough to stay by my side even through my uncertainties
14. Split up with my husband for a brief period
15. Lived the restaurant life only to find that my future was not within that field
16. Studied Medical Assisting
17. Dropped out of Medical Assisting program due to knowing it was not for me
18. Spent nearly 14 years with the man I met off the internet
19. Dealt with the battle of Lupus
20. Fight my days through Fibromyalgia 
21. Went into remission from Lupus
22. Broke my thumb
23. Broke my toe
24. Punched several walls out of frustration
25. Live on medication to help my struggles with overactive nerves
26. Kept friends from Middle school
27. Lost friends due to becoming unsociable
28. Lost touch with family due to selfishness
29. Moved to Ohio
30. Moved to North Carolina
31. Cried myself to sleep due to all of my insecurities
32. Was in labor for 20 hours
33. Lost many precious pets in my life
34. Became a Veterinary Assistant
35. Followed my dreams even when I felt they were out of reach
36. Became a dedicated, loving mother to a nearly 11 year old daughter
37. Overcame struggles of being a Mother to a girl who can push buttons 
38. Started to be active in a way my daughter is now flourishing from positive role models in her life
39. Has finally become happy with my life
40. There is not one day I don't think of you and continue to love you in a way only a daughter can show.
41. Is a mother to a zoo
42. Became active in my family ordeals and events
43. Stepped up and owned up to my mistakes

Cons

When you go into a field you absolutely love, you find it hard to see the flaws, but when you do, they shine. It's an unfortunate shine too. There are a few things that I truly dislike about my work setting... I'll place them in bullet format.

• Gossip/Drama

                  Oh my good God, putting a bunch of raging hormones in one small space is such a drama/gossip fest. On my first week of employment I had two girls go off to talk and one of them stated "Don't worry, Val, it's not about you." I responded with, "I don't care if it is." Then since that response was given, I have made a point to become civil with one of the girls who ran off chatting about something. 

                  I began working on Saturdays and the girls who work on the weekends love to talk trash about other girls that work during the week. I can't for one second say that it's something I am comfortable with. The trash talk is quite irritating. Please know that the girls I work with aren't teenagers, nor are they of the younger twenties age group. I think that's what throws me the most. 

                  On Friday of last week, one of the girls quit. I had a feeling about her from the beginning that made me unsure about her. She is in school, and has been attending school to become a Veterinary Technician. But, after two full weeks, she realized that she really rather work with children. While it sucked that she quit, I understand from previous experience for myself. I was the opposite. I went through Medical Assisting courses to find that my heart was not within the people aspect of the Medical field. Some people just have to come further in their profession to see what is ideal for them. Once the girl left the premises, everyone began to talk and vent their frustration about her leaving, all having some type of input which was negative and almost like adding fuel to the fire. Some girls spoke about how her quitting placed a wrench in their plans, and while I definitely understand that, because it did for me as well, it's not something we can change by complaining about. 

                    Monday, everyone was back in the office and then I was having people ask me, "Did she say anything to you about potentially quitting?" While, it really was no ones business if she had or not, I told them that I had no communication with her about her decision, and that it did throw me off-guard, as well. As the day progressed, the hiring staff began printing out submitted resumes from the posted ad via Craigslist. The first one printed out and I went to pick it up thinking it was someones' invoice I had printed. Once other girls in the office saw that resumes were being printed out, they flocked to the printer and began reading them. Some of the resumes were submitted with cover letters and the girls began to laugh at them. I found that to be quite disrespectful to those potential employees, and it pissed me off. These girls were talking crap and I thought to myself, "This was my resume just 3 weeks ago being dissected by nosy eyes, and minds." 

                      Later on Monday, I was putting in a German Shepard, of 13 years who had been encountering limping issues which weren't getting any better, for euthanization. I walked with them, spoke sweetly with Angel (the canines name) while attempting to get her into her resting space with her family. It got to me a bit, no question, but I stayed strong enough to leave the room without including myself into the situation and its entirety. As I went back into the office space, one of the leads there, started reprimanding me about some things that truly should have been addressed away from other people and clients. It made me feel like I was being scolded for something that I was informed was appropriate initially. 

                      Near the end of my shift on Monday, the Veterinary Technician wanted to let me know that lunch will be provided on Wednesday due to drug reps coming in. Then once that was completed, she asked how I was doing. While I wanted to let her know how belittled I felt from an earlier conversation with the Lead and myself, I just shut my mouth, and replied with "There is a lot to learn, but I feel okay." She said "So you're not going to up and quit tomorrow, are you?" I told her that wasn't my intention. By the end of my day, Monday I was truly thankful to have had the day following off. It felt like a very draining day, and I needed a cold one to follow it. 

• The strength needed to have an animal euthanized

                       Since I have begun working at the hospital, I've only had 2 euthanizations get to me. One was the one I mentioned in the previous section, and the other was a beautiful orange and white cat who was brought in due to lack of eating. The cat hadn't eaten in nearly a week and had dropped over 5 pounds within that period. The owners were caught off-guard because they truly went in for an appointment, to fix the probable cause. Once 10 minutes went by and the woman's husband showed up, I had a slight feeling I knew what was about to come. However, I went to the back as they were carrying the cats body to the back to do paw prints for the owner. I, then, overheard the Veterinarian state that when she was feeling around the stomach, she felt lumps all throughout the body, and she knew then, it wasn't going to be a curable visit for this feline. 

                       I now know where the medication for euthanizing an animal is, and I try to avoid it as much as I can, but it's nearly inevitable because it's near an area where the main source of vaccines are kept. And with drawing up vaccines for the patients, avoiding that area is just impossible. 

• Turnover seems to be high and many employees are unhappy

                     Those who have stayed, have been there for a long time. The average is 7 years, which is great to see numbers that way. But, that's not accounting for all of those so many current employees speak of. So many of the employees I talk with during the day, complain about so much. They complain about the atmosphere, the crazy clients, and even the doctors. I find that many of the girls who work up front are out to complain about anything and everything. To me it seems very insincere  with what tends to be said. 

• Over-time 

                      Over-time is straight time. No time and a half, or double time. I found that out today when I received my check. :-/ If I were salary, I'd understand, but I'm just hourly. That's kind of a pain in the butt. 

When I come home from work, I truly give the biggest hug and nicest pats possible to my pets. My job makes me aware of how lucky I am to have the pets I do. Everyday I learn something new, and I believe for the continued career path, I'll always learn. I love the animal aspect of my career path, I love the doctors I work with, and I love the happiness within the pet owners heart. 

..Finally!

I know, the title of this blog could pertain to anything that's been happening for me.
I'm not very good at writing happy blogs. I tend to write when I'm angry or something has frustrated me in ways I couldn't get out aside from blogging. So, I'm going to attempt to blog with how I feel, and while many of you may be unfamiliar with my writing, please understand my tone has changed quite a bit since the departure of my last job.
So, I've officially begun my career. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a part of Veterinary Medicine. I always second guessed my abilities to actually take part in the field.
When I first began this career search, I had been thrown in so many different directions that I was unsure if Veterinary Medicine was going to actually happen. I went on interviews, working interviews, career sites, and truthfully it felt like my head was spinning.
Now that I'm within the field that I love ever so much, I can't see myself anywhere else. The hospital I work in is incredible. The hospital has been in business for over 27 years. The reputation is above any other hospital I've ever been in, aside from Med-Vet. Med-Vet is however, the hospital we work closely with, which is amazing. Med-Vet was the hospital we lost Harley Quinn, and she is the entire reason I went into the studies I did. She was/is my motivation. I know she's watching over me in doggy heaven giving me such great strength while I embark on my future.
Since I've begun at Green Meadows Veterinary Hospital I've felt so accomplished, and appreciated. Everyday at least 2-3 people say something nice to me. Just yesterday I had my tire blow out and I needed to get it replaced since I do work quite a distance away from home. D came up, changed the tire to the donut, and took it up to Wal-mart for me. It was about a mile away. One of the girls I work with and I were going to lunch and she took me up to Wal-mart. I went into pay for the tire and when I got to the automotive area, I wrote a check and they needed my ID.. Well I left it at work which had I walked back to work it would have taken more time than I had for lunch. I called my work and another one of the girls came up and dropped it off to me. I apologized and promised her I'd be back shortly. She responded with "Take your time. You're fine." The kindness of these people is unbelievable. I ended up taking over an hour in lunch time, even though I hadn't eaten at all. What a mess that was. But, unlike usual for me, it rolled off my back and let me move forward knowing that I was able to go back to "work" to help animals and see their happiness.
Animals are so precious to me. The animals that I've been able to partake in their treatment, makes me feel so accomplished. I can't get over how wonderful this career path is.
I'm so thankful to have been given such a great compliment. What's really awesome is the owners of the hospital work in our facility as DVM's. It's not just some random jackass who doesn't know what he's running. I hate working for people who don't know how the operations work. The two owners are the most requested, and are incredible individuals.
I've grown such a great fondness toward one DVM because she is so genuine and makes everything go in stride. She's truly incredible.
Well, that's my update because I'm truly falling asleep as I'm typing.